


Jihoon Shaped Hole

by karminy



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Kid Fic, Long-Distance Relationship, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-04-27 13:09:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14426109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karminy/pseuds/karminy
Summary: Soonyoung has a husband he loves and a kid they both adore.Everything else is the problem.Okay, maybe not everything.But certainly not those two.Jihoon and Hwayoung couldn't be problems if they tried.





	1. Prologue: Introductions

**Author's Note:**

> Warning for it's full work in progress current state, coming from someone who usually chooses to finish stuff before posting and has trouble keeping things objective.  
> Meaning that, sadly, I don't do short stories, so it kinds of scares me to start posting, although I'm hoping it'll be the motivation I need to keep myself focused.  
> I'm bad at planning.  
> I strongly dislike angst so I might tease it, but probably will be only that... teasing.  
> Everyone else (my eleven other babies) will show up, but I was too lazy to tag, plus I need to figure out how much they'll be around too;
> 
> Truly, I just wanted to give soonhoon a kid and I needed a plot, I'm making up weird problems now.  
> I do hope it's enjoyable and appreciate all feedback you give me, have fun :)

Soonyoung supposed life was fair, in its own distorted way. As if some people are indeed meant to suffer, for destiny reasons.

He did disagree with the balance of it, though. Every single day. There was no way the scale was set to even for him.

He's nearing 26 years old and ten years before he would never imagine himself in his current position. Mortgage on a house he'd drop the first chance, a marriage certificate with his name on it, and a child on his back that has his characteristic 10:10 eyes.

The turn out would be a surprise, but he'd be excited for the available happiness. Being someone's husband and having a family were big adult things he'd always dreamed about since too long.

Well, maybe in different circumstances his life could be considered perfect.

Ah, destiny was a funny little thing.

As of now, though, Soonyoung isn't happy. He's not devastated, but he's not happy. There's a lot of emotional range to cover between the two.

He loves his child and her presence grants him a grand and fulfilling emotion, even as a solid part of his unhappiness. He wanted Hwayoung to have the world at her feet, but all that has been possible for the past four years was one single parent and a bunch of friendly faces to try and make do. Their friends were better than him most times, Soonyoung still couldn't joke about the “Jihoon shaped hole” without choking.

And Soonyoung still cries every time she asks for him.

If he could ask for a few things, he'd start with world peace. But the truth is, Soonyoung wanted money to never be an issue, wanted for his 16 year old self to maybe make different choices. Wanted for Jihoon to be home.

Approximately 7288 kilometers separated Jihoon's current condo and their little house in Seoul City. With how unlucky Soonyoung's been feeling lately, he'd expect the approximation to be fairly downsized by the maps and airport distance. Jihoon would call him dramatic if he he'd heard it. But, well. He wouldn't.

For each mile it felt like strings pulling at every piece of Soonyoung's body.

When thinking about long distance relationships, most people had no hope and the odds seemed especially lower for their age range, after all Jihoon was only a handful months younger than Soonyoung himself. But, instead of considering the likelihood of two people maintaining their loyalty over different continents, Soonyoung thought about love. And love wasn't something most would question or doubt. There lied his faith.

As theirs was not a simple relationship, because Soonyoung had love to spare — _and maybe that'd make the distance easier_ , he'd sometimes think bitterly. But that meant Soonyoung would never walk away and, after four years of distance, he trusted Jihoon to do the same.

Well, it was still hard and painful, a part that never really got easier. Only living his life around the neediness did.

Hwayoung was reaching her seventh birthday and she understood their current lives a lot better now, which made things more manageable all around. Those first two years apart killed both of them at least a little bit and they're still both stressing out about how badly it affected her.

Although, despite the situation, Hwayoung was a fairly good child. Well behaved, loving, respectful and very bright. Each time she smiled, laughed or had a moment of quiet happiness was a reminder, of both why they were doing things that way and why they needed to keep pursuing change. But they were so glad she was growing up well, it took a lot of weight off their shoulders.

Even so, Soonyoung could only imagine how much Jihoon hurt, in those isolated moments the light stripped out of his eyes, or when his voice broke over the phone. Yes, Soonyoung just didn’t let himself dwell on it, unless Jihoon wanted to talk and try things differently, because they were always accommodating  so he could feel more participative of their child’s life. Everything to make them feel closer, not only for Jihoon’s benefit.

The whole story was something Soonyoung tried not to think about either, it clouded his judgment and ruined his day and he was trying to move one step at a time while making the best possible future for their kid, because that's what he owed Hwayoung after bringing her into this world. And she'd make it worth almost every single day. Though other days, she was too much of Jihoon's child, outsmarting him and being independent at the wrong age. She thrived on learning new ways she could be a pain in his ass, often while keeping his rules just so she could tell Jihoon and they’d laugh together.

Being a parent wasn't like a job, nothing really close to the paid responsibility and commitment. It was a lot more about giving, adapting and caring fearlessly. Parenting was also very hard. And now that some of his friends were starting to pop children of their own, it was natural for Soonyoung to compare things even if he knew it was stupid. He didn't know anyone else in the same situation as he was with Jihoon and Hwayoung. Co Parenting while living in different countries (and continents), but still married and trying to juggle their child life, their professional lives and personal ones. In different countries. Trying to meet back. For four years.

No, it was sadly uncommon for someone to be in similar situation, so Soonyoung would have available help or realistic advice.

Nonetheless, Soonyoung appreciated the vacations, numbered days they were face to face and standing on the foundation maintained on the internet, an abstract place. But Jihoon was safety and nothing compared to having him near, even for limited amount of time. He valued the small moments, appreciated the strength they had.

But, yes. The Story, in capital letters.

It would be titled “What are the most important things for Kwon Soonyoung’s future”.


	2. Part One

Soonyoung was in the waiting room of her obgyn chosen clinic the first time he met Jihoon.

And despite their characteristic personalities to be soon discovered, Jihoon was the one who started it all.

It's history, but it happened a little like:

"I'd guess you were an expecting father, but then I don't understand why you'd be in the waiting room," Jihoon commented, side eyeing Soonyoung since their tied chairs didn't give a lot of space between each other.

"Huh?" Replied Soonyoung smartly. Too caught up in his fidgeting and anxiety.

Jihoon chuckled, and Soonyoung had it in him enough to realize how attractive he looked in that moment.

"Why are you here? If you don't mind sharing, that is."

"Oh," nodded Soonyoung, slowly catching up. "I'm having a baby, yes."

"And you're waiting for your girlfriend to arrive, but she's late?" Fished Jihoon, starting to turn his cellphone in the tip of his fingers, trying to focus his own anxiety into a physical point of his body.

Soonyoung started shaking his head before Jihoon had even finished speaking.

"Not my girlfriend, but she's inside already. I'm just scared, every time," he corrected in a small voice, embarrassment coloring his neck and cheeks.

"I think I'm being nosey," Jihoon admitted in a shrug, the unapologetic braveness coming out of nowhere, and neither of them knew what to do with that information, anyway. "But why aren't you with her now?"

"She likes to keep me as far away from her as she possibly can," replied Soonyoung, struggling to keep his voice steady.

Jihoon nodded. "Ahhhhh..."

Soonyoung shruggeg in a "what can you do?" way back, expecting them to fall back into silence.

"When is she due?" Pressed Jihoon, trying not to overthink his interest for once.

"In five and a half months."

"Oh, no gender then," said Jihoon, pouting a little. He admitted to himself he was a little fascinated about the development by now, and especially about being able to tell the gender when they're still inside. He couldn't stop the small display of disappointment.

Soonyoung palmed his eyes, escaping Jihoon's cute expression cowardly, while shaking his head in agreement. "No gender for a couple weeks."

"Are you excited? Do you have a preference?" Jihoon asked, mind conjuring the image of a little girl with the man's sharp eyes and hamster-like cheeks. His smile flourished spontaneously.

"I am a lot," Soonyoung admitted. Small smile blossoming in his face as he closed his eyes, as well, even if his face was partially still behind his hand, and he dived in deep thought.

Jihoon watched him for a minute, smile never leaving his face. It felt weird how compelled he was to keep conversation going with this guy, whose name he didn't even know.

"I'm so fucking scared, too," whispered Soonyoung after a while. Eyes still closed as he also closed a tight fist around the fabric of his shirt, knuckles going white.

Jihoon frowned.

"Is everything okay with the baby?"

"They made through the first trimester, which I was fairly scared of, because she could just change her mind and decide on an abortion and I wouldn't even argue, even if it would probably kill me a bit. And the books say that it's the most dangerous stage of the pregnancy, too, so I'm glad that's over as well. And now it's vitals and size were good last time. So I guess so, baby is well," ranted Soonyoung, speaking fast enough that Jihoon had a little trouble keeping up.

"That's good right?" Jihoon asked retorically, but still getting a wistful nod from Soonyoung. "Are you nervous because of something else, then?"

"Well. Probably, yes," agreed Soonyoung bitingly. His lips curled into a smirk, "sucks that I have no idea why I'm going crazy."

"Sorry, man."

Soonyoung snorted.

"Not your fault, I'm sorry for being weird and probably rude."

Jihoon shook his head. "It's good, I'm not judging you. You haven't said much, but you seem to be in a really weird position now, I don't even know why I was prying for personal information. I'm very sorry for kinda interrogating you."

"It's okay, —" Soonyoung stopped, head pending to one side while he looked meaningfully at the other.

He only had to wait a beat.

Then, the boy half smiled, placing his index finger on his chest when he understood the mute question, though he still waited for Soonyoung's nod before replying with a simple, "Jihoon."

"—Jihoon-ssi." Soonyoung repeated, nodding to himself once. Before reassuring him one more time, "It's really okay, Jihoon-ssi. My name is Kwon Soonyoung, by the way. And, liking it or not, I need to learn to talk about what's happening right now, so you're really doing me a favor here. Would you like to hear the whole story?"

Jihoon assented, dropping his phone in his lap so he could hold his own face in his hands and look attentively at him.

"Please."

Soonyoung smiled gratefully before his eyes lost focus, as he recalled the last three months.

"So I'm a Dance major, and that's part of why I'm really into partying," he starts, only half joking the admission in the last bit. "I don't usually hook up often though, because being at a party and dancing is usually enough to get me tired. Like, adding going out for fun to practice time and usual uni stuff, I'm already way over exhausted, so it just makes sleeping the most interesting thing to do in a bed. Not always, though. So for this one night, I did what I wanted and needed to. I had fun, she had fun, and I used a condom. When it was done, I went right ahead with my life. And, as sleeping around wasn't one of my habits, when a couple weeks later I realized I had contracted an STD, there weren't many people to worry about, only the one. So I went to her, suggested that she'd do a pregnancy test, besides the obvious STD tests, in case she hadn't realized or hadn't broken out in her, even if she managed to infect someone else. I tried so hard to be levelheaded, because the health issue was more important than my feelings and pride, so I even managed to be nice. I was genuinely nice to her about it, I didn't say it in public or tried to shame her, even if she did give me an STD, which no one can blame me for getting angry about."

Jihoon snorted in his attempt not to laugh, trying to make it quiet and failing, before nodding.

"She still went off in my ear, called me a liar and dirty, accused me of giving her an STD," Soonyoung rolled his eyes at the last one, people are fucking insane. "And run out of my place."

Soonyoung smirked, eyes focusing on Jihoon for the first time since he started.

"I thought that was it. She'd either go to the doctor because I warned her, or she'd had treatment already, or she'd go when hers broke out. I had acted responsibly and there wasn't anything else for me to do. So I went back to living my life, while taking my meds religiously and not needing the doctor's order to avoid sex, because that is the kind of experience that puts people out for a while," he frowned. "Like, it made me distrustful, made me want a relationship and I didn't have the time or emotional availability for one then, so I was done having casual sex, I didn't have much choice. At least that's how I felt at the time, when she walked out."

Soonyoung sighs, shaking his head a couple times as his whole faces closes off, as the memories of the day she called him came back. He knew it wouldn't be anything good, he never gave her his own number and for her to go out looking for it, with a personality like hers, it could only mean no good.

"She called me like, two weeks later? It had been over a month since we slept together, by then. She didn't have my number, at least, I hadn't given it to her. But I recognized her voice in the first word. She asked to meet me, she sounded tired and that made me worried for her health. I run to her place thinking she'd talk about something worse than an STD, I remember my first thought being that she had cancer," he whispered, voice thinning out as he spoke.

Jihoon bit his lip, anxious even if he knew the actual outcome of the story already.

Soonyoung grumbled, "I was so stupid. I should have seen it coming. But I didn't. When she dropped the blood test on my hands, without even looking at my face, I still didn't understand what she wanted me to see. She was so..." He stopped, searching for the more appropriate word and looking distressed himself. "So, so distraught that she announced her pregnancy like one would announce someone's passing. Then, I stopped to understand what she meant and what it entails but I couldn't even let myself think too much about it as a possible baby, because I shouldn't let myself grow attached in case she didn't want it at all. Her opinion had a lot more power than mine and I knew, looking at her, odds were she'd not keep it a day more than she absolutely needed to."

Jihoon could only admire Soonyoung's ability to keep his voice steady and the story objective, he could never put himself in the other boy's shoes for something like that. He didn't know what he expected to hear, when he started questioning Soonyoung, but not this, for sure.

"I told her as much, said we could work it out, whatever it was her choice. Asked her what she needed from me in that moment — she replied white chocolate and that I lighted one of her Yankee Candles, I did the second request before running out of her apartment for the first. She was in the same position when I came back, so I opened all the packs and sat and waited. We stayed like that for hours, I don't even know how many, but it was the middle of the night when she sighed and asked me what I wanted to do and if the baby was important for me. It shocked me, but it didn't take more than a few seconds for me to realize that I'd keep it. But I knew it was a little more complicated than me wanting the baby or not. So I said as much and she agreed. We decided to take a couple days, think about it and come back and compromise on a decision. She wanted to make a choice as soon as she could, she has always been terrified that she'd grow attached."

"What did you do in the two days?" Jihoon asked, unable to think of many options that'd lead to what he knew already about what brought Soonyoung to the clinic.

"I called my eomma first thing when I got back to my place, because in 10 minutes of walking I decided that I was really interested in having the baby. It's just something that was building inside me, I just had to acknowledge it. But as I am in school for the next two years still, I'm not nearly insane enough to push for a pregnancy when there's a chance I'm not able to care and support for the baby. And alone, in my current condition, there's no way I'd give it a decent life. But if my parents supported me, if only for a while, I'd work as hard as I needed for it and I'd have a chance. So I called eomma and, consequently, my abeoji, and woke them up so I could talk about what happened, what was happening. Asked them for their opinions and for the chance to keep the baby. Eomma cried for two hours, but then we started planning. When the baby is born, she and my noona are coming to live in the city for the next couple years. Noona has been planning to move for a few months anyway, and eomma had to retire last year, because she's been in poor health for a while. But abeoji can't leave, so he's staying there with my dongsaeng for the two years eomma will stay here, until I'm done with my schooling and the baby is old enough I can rely on day care, if I need it. Which I probably will, because I'm supposed to be a dance teacher. So..."

Soonyoung shrugged. Trying to peacefully come to terms with everything he said, because this was the base of the story he'd have to tweak but still tell his kid, and he shouldn't be embarrassed or afraid to face it.

He did feel a little lighter after putting everything into coherent words and having Jihoon, an unknown person, not run out judging him for what happened. His mind could stop playing tricks on him about it now.

"Wow," Jihoon said, after almost a full minute. "How old are you even?"

Soonyoung chuckled, "I'm 21, you?"

Jihoon's jaw dropped in the middle of the sentence. He shakes his head, a little incredulous.

"Wow. I'm 21, too," explained and Soonyoung blushed, hard and fast, to the tip of his ears.

"So what are you doing here?"

Jihoon smiled fully, eyes focusing on something behind Soonyoung.

"Eomma is having twins, they're due in six weeks, but the doctor is expecting them to be early. Abeoji is too nervous to come to these, so I drive her instead," Jihoon explained, almost in a single breathe while he quickly got up, running towards Soonyoung's right to support a tiny woman with a huge belly.

"Oh," Soonyoung thought to himself, eyes captured by the smile on Jihoon's face while he fussed over his mother, who smiled kindly at him, and exchanged a few words with her doctor, who he clearly knew.

Something inside Soonyoung dropped, like warm liquid exploding from his chest. It was a good, albeit weird and suffocating feeling, which he had no name for.

Jihoon walked back towards Soonyoung in the time it took for the boy to get himself under control, in a way he'd be able to speak without choking.

"Eomma, this is Soonyoung-ssi. He'll be a father by the new year," Jihoon introduced, and she smiled good humoredly.

Soonyoung got to his feet in a second, bowing to her and repeating his name.

"Hello, Soonyoung-ssi, I am Eunbin. May you have a calm pregnancy and a strong baby."

He bowed again, saying thanks a couple times.

"It's nice to meet you. I hope you have strong babies, too," Soonyoung added, smiling at her impressive belly.

"Are you ready to go, Jihoon-ah?" His mother asked, after smiling gratefully at Soonyoung's words. Her voice was much softer than her son's.

Jihoon looked between her and Soonyoung a handful of times, before shaking his head. "Let me walk you to the car, so you can text abeoji and tell him everything went okay, you can't stay up too long, eomma."

She snickered, and that sound was the same Jihoon would make, Soonyoung realized. Laughing on his own about how cute it was.

"And you," Jihoon called, pointing at Soonyoung. "I'll be back in a minute, since I doubt you'd walk out of this waiting room before the end of your baby's consultation."

Soonyoung smirked guiltless, shrugging once.

"Wait here, then. Let's go, eomma. Abeoji gets worse than Soonyoung-ssi, we have to put him out of misery," teased, while walking her with a hand on her shoulder and the other holding her hand.

Soonyoung moved around his chair, finding a different position while he waited. It didn't take long, Jihoon walked back inside a few minutes later, cellphone in hand.

"I know you said you'll have your family in the city, but I'm offering you newborn babysitting if you ever need it," Jihoon explained, handing Soonyoung his phone and sitting back besides him.

"And why is that, Jihoon-ssi?"

"My eomma didn't ask for my services, but I reckon now it's good that I offer. I'll have the experience and I'm partial to your kid now, knowing their story."

Soonyoung snorted.

"I don't do hook ups, Jihoon-ssi. I'm pretty sure I mentioned that," dismissed Soonyoung, yet to accept the phone.

Jihoon laughed.

"Yes, you did. But that's not what I said, though."

"What?" Soonyoung rolled his eyes, distrustful. "You want me to believe a cute guy like you would just keep in contact to babysit an unborn baby from a stranger?"

"It wouldn't help to say that the cute guy thinks the stranger is a really cute stranger, right?"

"Jihoon-ssi, that's the opposite of help."

Jihoon shrugged, "I tried."

"You didn't," teased Soonyoung, shaking his head at Jihoon's efforts. "But, honestly, I don't have much to offer you. You know?"

"You seem like a pretty decent guy, were the situation different, I'd absolutely ask you out. Now, I'm just doing the minimum and offering you a phone number and, at least, one friend to be there for you, who understands that you're about to become a different person with different priorities, and still wants to help."

"You can't blame me, it sounds too good to be true," admitted Soonyoung, grimacing.

Jihoon smiled kindly at him, nodding.

Finally, with a deep sigh, Soonyoung took the phone and punched in his number, before handing it back.

"I knew you'd be difficult, though. And maybe I'll learn more about you and realize I'm just really good at reading you," Jihoon winked. "Could be an useful skill."

"Get out, Jihoon-ssi. I do hope your siblings come out pacefully, send me pictures, please. And maybe we'll see each other again."

Jihoon smirked again, while getting up and standing in front of Soonyoung.

"You're clearly placing your trust in the wrong Lee children," mocked Jihoon. "I know for sure I'll get you to hang out with me at some point, those two haven't even been born and they're wrecking havoc. My wishes for you to not have the same issues we did, you seem stressed out enough, already."

Soonyoung opened his mouth, most likely to ask what's happened to Jihoon's mother during the pregnancy.

"Ah, ah," interrupted Jihoon, before he could speak. "We'll talk about that and anything else you have to ask, next time we meet. I have to go now, my abeoji really needs to see eomma soon if I want to be alive for the twins birth. It was nice meeting you, feel free to message me back whenever."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't realize how much backstory I'd need. This will be no fun, but I hope I can do it.


End file.
